Pope is a terrorist."
"To support ETA is to support terrorism. To support Batasuna
is to support ETA. For Basque Country priests not to condemn
Batasuna is for them to support terrorism. For the Pope not
to excommunicate those priests is for him to support Batasuna
and ETA. The Pope is therefore a terrorist."
This Weekend! José María Aznar talks exclusively to Squeal,
NewsPig about Logic, Democracy, and how much simpler things
were under General Franco.
Nigella In Love! Exclusive!
"There's so much that's so wonderful about him: he brings so
much laughter into my life. He lets my daughter bounce all over
him, and he knows some wonderful Jewish jokes.
After making love with him, what I most enjoy is cooking for
him. Egg and chips and sausage and chips are his favourites,
but he simply adores my filet mignon aux reins sautés, en croûte,
avec pommes frites - although I have to call it 'steak and kidney
pie and chips' or he hits me. He's perfect...."
This Weekend! Kitchen Goddess Nigella Lawson talks exclusively
to Squeal, NewsPig about happiness, the joy of cooking, and
living with her new love, comedian Bernard Manning.
Patrick O'Brien Film Special!
"You often hear Patrick O' Brien fans saying that there is no
comparable friendship in English literature to that of Aubrey's
and Maturin's. One looks for comparisons... Holmes and Watson;
Jeeves and Bertie; Frodo and Sam; Morse and, erm, Thingy...
but Aubrey and Maturin's relationship has only one analogy,
I think: Kirk and Spock...."
This Weekend! L.A.'s top casting expert, Carol Witherspoon,
talks exclusively to Squeal, NewsPig about the magic of Patrick
O' Brien's novels, and Hollywood's casting Shatner and Nimmoy
as Aubrey and Maturin.
Archbishop of New York Exclusive!
"You know, when people come to believe that nothing
means anything anymore, ambivalence, ambiguity - and even complete
horseshit - can look terribly profound...."
This Weekend! The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York talks
exclusively to Squeal, NewsPig about faith, uncertainty and
the enduring popularity of Nostradamus.
"What pisses me off most when I'm driving? 'Baby On Board' stickers.
I mean, do people really think that if they don't put a sticker
on their car announcing that they've got a baby, I'm going to
ram them off the road? Why don't they just stick a sign on the
car saying what they really mean? - "Hey, look at me! I'm really
special: I've got a baby."
This Weekend! British motorists talk exclusively to Squeal,
NewsPig about freedom, road rage, and sitting in gridlock bitching
about all the other cars.
"... and so I said to him, "Relax. So there'll be a few more
blood-splashes on it. What the hell. I'll just throw it in the
media machine, give it a wash and a spin. It'll come out so
clean you could go to church on a Sunday in it... or wipe your
ass on it - anything you want, Mr President - it's your flag
- do whatever you want with it.""
This Weekend! Washington Spin-Djinn Edgar T. Winterherne talks
exclusively to Squeal, NewsPig about golf, government, grandfatherhood
and his hopes for World War 3.
Spin Special II !
"'Cool Britannia'? Yes, well, as slogans go, that was a very
successful re-branding of the previously drab Labour Party image,
I'd say. Worth millions of votes. As for the slogan for the
next election, We felt it best to stay with tried-and-tested
formulas. So we'll be going with 'Fool Britannia', which neatly
summarises this government's most obvious achievement and the
main thrust of its ideology...."
This Weekend! New Labour backroom brains talk exclusively to
Squeal, NewsPig about the State of the Party and the One-Party
Alastair Cook Exclusive!
"In America, if you try, and fail, people call you a trier;
whereas in Britain they call you a failure. And in America,
if you succeed, they call you a success; whereas in Britain,
if you succeed, they call you a very rude word."
This Weekend! The BBC's veteran America Correspondent Alastair
Cook talks exclusively to Squeal, NewsPig about Def Leppard,
Sheena Easton, Lee Evans, and other Anglo-American Ironies.
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Friends are important. Love is strong. Your lucky soup:
|Shakira fails Convent Entrance Exam for eighth time.
Cheeky altar boy whispers to priest, mid-Mass: "I'm naked underneath
my cassock, Father."
Oasis fan names breast-implants after Gallagher brothers! Giggling
groupie tells photographers: "Liam's the tit on the left. And
Noel's the tit on the right."
"Posing naked, I felt empowered," Bernard Manning tells "Hello!"
Bernard Manning nude pix 'too saucy' for Sun, says Murdoch;
sells to Richard Desmond.
Ha! Search Engine Stumped! No matches found for 'Why don't you
go piss up a rope, Jeeves?'
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